Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
