Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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