weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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