He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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