Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
