That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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