Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
