apparently the secret to your success is patron
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
