I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize