let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
