he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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