watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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