my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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