Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
