I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize