Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
