Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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