my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
