How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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