everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
