I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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