i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
