I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
