Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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