I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize