this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
