So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
