Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
