you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
