his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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