Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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