did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
