yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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