Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
