listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize