you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
