You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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