Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
