pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
