u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She made me pour olive oil on her.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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