you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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