nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
