Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
