Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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