I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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