Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
