btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
