Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
