he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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