I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
