I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just had sex on a roof
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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