I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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