Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize