Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
