people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
