Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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