you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize