apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize