Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
