So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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