My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
