yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
