Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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