if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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