i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
